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G'day Y'all,
Happy reading..... and Yes I do have more important things to do,..... and yes I am busy !!!!!!
Regards...Andmerr :-)
One must be politically correct
> Subject: Christmas Party
>
>
>>
>>
>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>
>> TO: All Employees
>>
>> DATE: October 01, 2004
>>
>> RE: Christmas Party
>>
>> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>> on December 23, starting at noon in the private
>> function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of
>> drinks!
>>
>> We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
>> along.
>>
>> And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
>> Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
>>
>> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
>> gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
>> of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
>> employees!
>> Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
>>
>> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>>
>> Patty
>>
>> =================================================================
>>
>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>
>> TO: All Employees
>>
>> DATE: October 02, 2004
>>
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
>>
>> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
>> coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
>>
>> However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
>>
>> The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
>> those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
>>
>> There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
>> will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>>
>> Happy now?
>>
>> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>>
>> Patty
>>
>> =================================================================
>>
>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>
>> TO: All Employees
>>
>> DATE: October 04, 2004
>>
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
>> to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
>> "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
>> How am I supposed to handle this?
>>
>> Somebody?
>>
>> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
>> union members feel that $10.00 is too much money
>> and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
>>
>> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>>
>> =================================================================
>>
>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>
>> To: All Employees
>>
>> DATE: October 05, 2004
>>
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
>> Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
>>
>> which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
>> party!
>>
>> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
>> not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
>>
>> Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end
>> of the party- or else package everything for you to take it
>> home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
>> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
>> from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
> the
>> restrooms.
>>
>> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
>> with Gay men, each will have their own table.
>>
>> Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the
>> person asking permission to cross dress,
>> no cross-dressing allowed though.
>>
>> We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
>> available for those on a diet.
>>
>> We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
>> with high blood pressure to taste first.
>>
>> There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
>> cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>>
>> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>>
>> Patty
>>
>> =================================================================
>>
>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>
>> TO: All F***ing Employees
>>
>> DATE: October 06, 2004
>>
>> RE: The F***ing Holiday Party
>>
>> Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
>> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not,
>>
>> so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death,"
>> as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f***ing salad bar,
>>
>> including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.
>> They scream when you slice them.
>>
>> I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I
>>
>> Hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
>>
>> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
>> =================================================================
>>
>> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>>
>> DATE: October 07, 2004
>>
>> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>>
>> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
>> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
>> In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
>> give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
>>
>> Happy Holidays !
>>
>> Joan
>>
>> *******************************************************************
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