|
Hell hath no fury liked the crossed?
|
|
|
andmerr
Suspended permanently
|
27. March 2005 @ 22:37 |
Link to this message
|
|
I cant remember this being posted but heres for all you people who have been crossed by your financial institution!!
>>>>Hell hath no fury like the/////?crossed. You might like to use this as
>>>>a template if you become disillusioned with your bank etc.!!!!!!!
>>
>>To whom it may concern.
>>
>>I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
>>pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must
>>have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my
>>account of
>>the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic
>>monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement
>>which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to
>>be commended
>>for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my
>>account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>>
>>My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused
>>me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
>>personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to
>>contact you I am >>confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, faceless
>>prerecorded entity which your bank has recently become.
>>From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
>>person.
>>My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
>>automatic but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
>>confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be
>>aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to
>>open such an envelope.
>>
>>Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require
>>your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but
>>in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
>>there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and the mandatory details of
his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee
a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with
>>me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
>>have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
>>my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
>>the sincerest form of flattery.
>>
>>Please allow me to level the playing field even further.
When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail
system to choose from.
>>To make an appointment to see me - press 1.
>>To query a missing payment - press 2.
>>To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there - press 3.
>>To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping - press 4.
>>To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature - press
>>5
>>To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home - press 6.
>>To leave a message on my computer - press 7. A password to access my
>>computer is required. Such passwords will be communicated to your
>>Authorized Contact at a later time and date as is comfortable for me.
>>To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 over again
>>press 8.
>>To speak live to my pet cat who is in charge of litter - press 9.
>>To make a general complaint or inquiry, press buttons as indicated above.
>>The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
>>automated answering service. While this may, on occasion involve a
>>lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>>
>>Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>>establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>>Please credit my account after each occasion.
>>
>>May I wish you an unhappy and far less prosperous New Year.
>>
Your Humble Client.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 27. March 2005 @ 22:38
|
|
Advertisement
|
 |
|
|
|
baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
|
27. March 2005 @ 22:42 |
Link to this message
|
|
As always, you come up with the thread that kills me............................
I may incorporate that type of thing on my answering machine at home......................
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
|
|
andmerr
Suspended permanently
|
27. March 2005 @ 22:50 |
Link to this message
|
|
that is high praise from some one of your standing O'GREAT one.We try to please one and all
andmerr
(court jester)
|
Senior Member
|
28. March 2005 @ 04:47 |
Link to this message
|
LMAO!!!!
That's funnier than hell!!!
Quote:
To speak live to my pet cat who is in charge of litter - press 9.
LOL!!!
;)
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
 This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 28. March 2005 @ 04:47
|
AfterDawn Addict
|
28. March 2005 @ 06:09 |
Link to this message
|
Quote:
>>lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
May I suggest the musak version, of either muskrat love, or feelings.
|
Senior Member
|
28. March 2005 @ 06:39 |
Link to this message
|
|
How about "I'm so lonely."
:)
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
|
baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
|
28. March 2005 @ 08:17 |
Link to this message
|
|
LOL, and every now and then have a sexy, deep voice repeat 'Thankyou for holding, your call is important to us'.
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
|
Senior Member
|
28. March 2005 @ 08:26 |
Link to this message
|
|
LMAO!!! Now see...that is just plain scary!
:P
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
AfterDawn Addict
|
31. March 2005 @ 10:54 |
Link to this message
|
|
Not as scary as you in those fancy underthings. he he he
|
|
andmerr
Suspended permanently
|
31. March 2005 @ 11:59 |
Link to this message
|
|
maybe have a hologram intro with venom welcoming them in his poka dot thong before they get to press 9 and speak to my cat
|
Senior Member
|
31. March 2005 @ 12:03 |
Link to this message
|
|
ROTFLMAO!!!! Ok...I see you all have jokes again!
Well, you know fully well, that is what brings in the people to aD!
;)
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
|
andmerr
Suspended permanently
|
31. March 2005 @ 12:34 |
Link to this message
|
|
i'm a lowly jokster compared to the current listings
the current jokers are:
1.baabaa
2.nephilim
3.ddp
4.jim_dandy
5.venom
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
99.andmerr
|
|
ddp
Moderator
|
31. March 2005 @ 12:40 |
Link to this message
|
|
me at #3!!! i thought way lower even lower than andmerr
|
Senior Member
|
31. March 2005 @ 12:40 |
Link to this message
|
|
LMAO!!!! Now...it isn't that bad!
;P
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
|
baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
|
31. March 2005 @ 20:01 |
Link to this message
|
Nah, don't agree with that...............andmerr is definately #1.
1.andmerr
2.baabaa
3.nephilim
4.ddp
5.jim_dandy
6.venom
Sorry guys, due to the revised listing you have all been pushed down one on the list.
It really shouldn't make a difference..............
Hey has anyone tried that game I posted in Nephilims commercial thread, if you didn't, here it is I love it.............Strip Paris Hilton........
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic819.htm
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
|
AfterDawn Addict
|
31. March 2005 @ 20:07 |
Link to this message
|
|
good game he he he
|
Senior Member
|
31. March 2005 @ 20:11 |
Link to this message
|
|
Well at least it gives me a challenge to get up to the number one spot!
;)
That sucks! How in the world am I number 6! For crying out loud!!! I had my work cut out for me, insulting the 6 of you all!
;P
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 31. March 2005 @ 20:12
|
|
baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
|
1. April 2005 @ 05:22 |
Link to this message
|
|
I think it was down to your gif.
Needs a little more work on it to scare this sheep..........LOL
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
|
Senior Member
|
1. April 2005 @ 07:16 |
Link to this message
|
|
LMAO!!!
Careful baabaa, I might have to make a new wool blanket!
And since you are the only sheep around that I can see!
ROTFLMAO!!!
;P
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
AfterDawn Addict
|
1. April 2005 @ 09:06 |
Link to this message
|
|
andmerr, you think that you are low in the comedic ratings. My rating is like an international dialling code!
Gif by Phantom69
 |
Senior Member
|
1. April 2005 @ 09:45 |
Link to this message
|
"From now on we are poison to you Spider-man...Thats why we call ourselves... VENOM"
|
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
AfterDawn Addict
|
1. April 2005 @ 10:12 |
Link to this message
|
|
Done!
Gif by Phantom69
|
