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i chopped it off in january. it's not very long these days.

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Originally posted by gerry1:

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My mom took my sling-shot away just because I hit my sister in the a$$ with a rock. Not long after, I was forbidden to watch the Three Stooges simply because I tried to poke my sister in the eyes. My mom was so mean to me; I still haven't recovered from the psychological trauma :)

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Starting To Swear

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say `ass' and I'll say `hell'".

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."

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Wedding Rehearsal

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.

The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

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THE BIRD GOT THE WORD

There was this fella with a parrot. And the parrot swore like a sailor. He could swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble was, the guy who owned him was a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth was driving him crazy.

One day, it got to be too much, so the guy grabbed the bird by the throat, shook him really hard, and yelled, "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he swore more than ever.

Then the guy got mad and said, "OK for you," and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the bird and he clawed and scratched, and when the guy finally let him out, the bird cut loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy was so mad he threw the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there was a terrible din. The bird kicked and clawed and thrashed. Then it suddenly became quiet.

At first the guy just waited, but then he started to think the bird might be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he became worried and opened up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbed onto the man's outstretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

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Swearing is cursing, using profane, abusive, offensive, dirty, or foul language, or making obscene gestures. Young children usually swear to experiment with language, while adults often swear out of anger.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
? Children sometimes use unacceptable language without knowing the meaning of the words. If they hear swearing from other children, adults, television, movies, music, or from parents, they are likely to repeat it.

? Sometimes children use unacceptable words without knowing that they aren't supposed to. If it's acceptable for adults in the house to swear, children may assume that it is acceptable for them, too.

? Children under five often swear to get a reaction. Although they may not know what the words mean, they do have an understanding that certain off-limit words are used with more strength and feeling, and carry a power that most other words don't have. If a word gets a strong reaction, they will be likely to use it again.

? Typically, children will experiment with swearing and testing the language limits at ages four and five.

? Children need help learning appropriate words and actions to use when they are angry or frustrated.

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Originally posted by Auslander:

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poor pieter, his sanity comes and goes.

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