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I thought this was pretty good so I had to share it with some people that would understand.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct
slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs
such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer
runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0
is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to
download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that
application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above
application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour
7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported
application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0
and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,Tech Support
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Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from
Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However,
there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually,
I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to
discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe
damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon
had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my
available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later
when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer
and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.
These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the
problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93
Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be
turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be
problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects
Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
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