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The Six Sins of Smacktalking (a guide)
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2. January 2007 @ 17:35 |
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this guide is based on this educational video
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xRKPhNqii6Y
Now, smacktalking does take quite alot of skill, and if you can't do it right, not only will your opponent have an advantage over you, but you'll humiliate yourself. So here's a simple guide to smack talking:
This guide is nicknamed
THE SIX SINS OF SMACKTALKING
the guide is devided into these sections
1.)Your xbox communicator and you
2.)support (the more the marrier)
3.)How to block and evade smacktalkers while keeping your cool.
4.)The first blow!
5.)maintaining the upper hand in the offense
6.)the last word
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--------------Your xbox communicator and you!---------------
Before you even begin to jump in and start the fight, you must know your own territory first. An xbox live communicator is essential for any good smacktalker. Not having one will make you look like an idiot and allow others to "make you their bitch" without fighting back.
Another important step is to make sure that your oponent can understand what you're saying when you're smacktalking him. Make sure to have voice masking off. Also make sure that any other type of device that makes it hard for your opponent to understand you off. If no one can understand what the hell you're saying, you'll look like a fool. If this is all set, move to the next section.
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-------------Support (the more the marrier!)-------------------
Playing on xbox live is quite fun, but make sure you have friends with you incase a dipshit rolls along and decides to pick a fight with you. the more friends you have to back yoursef up with when you smack talk, the more likely you are to win the battle and to make your opponent(s) scream for his/her non-dairy creamer. So go ahead, invite your friends to tag along for some slayer matches. Your friends are also very useful in case you run out of things to say. They can fill in for you while you think of more demeaning things to call him/her.
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------How to block and evade smacktalkers while keeping your cool-----
We will first look on how to avoid smacktalkers and then on how to block their offensives. This is key to any victory. We will also be looking at who to avoid when playing. The best way to avoid a smacktalker is to not provoke them. Remember, only go offensive when your opponent(s) strike(s) first, giving you the support of your friends and other players. Remember, going 1 vs 1 with the opponent is NOTthe wisest idea, as their host,skill and game settings may soon get the better of you. Instead, if you are challenged one vs. one, decline the offer. If he/she starts going offensive because you won't play 1 vs 1, simply tell him to shut the f&*k up and drink his/her ovaltine. I can't stress this enough, though: MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO NOT LINGER AFTER THIS OFFENSIVE MOVE, AS HE/SHE WILL GET THE ADVANTAGE VERY QUICKLY AND ABUSE IT. MAKE SURE TO LEAVE THE PARTY/BOOT THE PLAYER RIGHT AFTER THIS MOVE!!!
If you failed to do the above step and allowed him/her to rebound, you will have no choice but to challenge him/her or be humiliated, so here's what you can do to protect yourself.
if you can, request a team-based match. If he agrees, get the most skilled player(s) on your friends list to join your game. Your enemy will probably be stupid and invite one of his worthless companions. If this happens, just play the game. Your chances of winning are 90%-95%. That's pretty good. Make sure that when your playing with a friend to always have him bridge you host. This will increase your chances of winning and eliminate his host advantage.
However, if he/she does not allow you to bring in team mates, make sure to always demand a gametype you are good at. if you're hardcore, MLG's the way to go. If your casual, pick a game type that you can easily whore the sword, sniper, or rocket launcher. Something that doesn't require skill like assault, oddball, CTF, etc. If you do this, your chances of winning are 60%-70% give or take that he's the same skill level as you are.
If you succesfully beat your opponent, give yourself a pat on the back. Get in your last KO words like "Get owned, b*tch! You're garbage!" and leave. As always, make sure not to linger. If you lose the match, however, go to section 7.
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------------------------The First Blow----------------------
Make sure to always have a good reason to make "the first blow" which is the beginning shot. Here are some good reasons. you may find others.
1)you have a little kid on your team who won't shutup
2)your opponent is talking shit about another player/team when they don't deserve it.
3)The opponent is bragging excessively.
Always start the battle with a strong, powerful assault that will stun your opponent for enough time for you to come up with another pun. Also try to get your friends/team mates to side with you to help you. Read more on this in Section 2. Here are some good assaults for the first blow. Please be aware that they are extremely vulgur and should only be used towards enemies., not friends.
1) HEY KID, SHUT THE F&*K UP OR I'LL/WE'LL KICK YOUR @SS!
2) WHY DON'T YOU GO F@#K YOURSELF!?
3) IF YOU DON'T SHUTUP, I'LL FIND YOU IN REAL LIFE AND F#CKEN RAPE YOUR #SS, YOU LITTLE SH^T!
Those are just a few examples....sadly, there are many, many more. Once the first blow has been initiated, the battle begins. See the next section.
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----------------------maintaining the upper hand in the offense-----------
It is always important when on offense to never let the other player gain control.To do this, make the opponent feal as worthless as possible by demeaning his culture/ethnicity or making fun of the way they talk. Find something wrong with the player (for example, his weight)and manipulate it to your advantage. If the player starts screaming "shutup! I'm not fat!" You've found the week spot. Keep working your way in from their. If these things are done correctly, your opponent will run out of things to say and leave very humiliated.
If he stays in your party/he doesn't go away go to section 6.
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------------------------the last word-----------------------
It is ALWAYS important to get in the last word, whether you win or lose. To finish your opponent, give a good, powerful KO hit like these puns. They ALWAYS work best right before leaving a match.
1) YOU STUPID @SS B^&CH! NO ONE LOVES YOU!
2) i'M NOT EVEN GONNA WASTE MY TIME WITH DUMB @SS F@!KERS LIKE YOU! YOU'RE WORTHLESS!
3) YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT! THE CONDOM BROKE! THAT'S WHY YOUR PARENTS DON'T LOVE YOU!
4) SEE YA, FAT@SS!
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Thank you for reading this educational guide to smack talking. I hope it has helped you. Remember, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
Sam fisher watches youThis message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 2. January 2007 @ 20:40
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Senior Member
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2. January 2007 @ 19:24 |
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Member
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3. January 2007 @ 00:08 |
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that would be really funny if this gets stickied.
*crosses fingers*
Sam fisher watches you
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Nu2Mods
Suspended permanently
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6. January 2007 @ 16:01 |
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funny stuff right there
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9. January 2007 @ 16:04 |
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I'm happy you like it. I'll keep updating it when i can.
Sam fisher watches you
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