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Women::The RULES!!!!!
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DaOsT
Senior Member
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18. March 2004 @ 21:27 |
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DUNNO whether you guys have read this or not but I found it pretty funny
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are MEN's rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
DaOsT
::LivE ForeveR OR DiE TryiN!!::....::DonT FinD US WE WilL FinD YoU::..
ChecK OuT ThE PenguiN GamE AnD PosT YouR HighesT DistancE ON ThE ForuM
http://www.gazholland.co.uk |
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Member
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19. March 2004 @ 04:38 |
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PMSL, cheers D, made me smile, man.
Dene
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Moderator
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19. March 2004 @ 07:21 |
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Quote:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
My personal favorite. I get so damn sick of getting asked that because no matter how many times you tell them no they don't believe you. Why even ask?
My killer sig came courtesy of bb "El Jefe" mayo.
The Forum Rules You Agreed To! http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/2487
"And there we saw the giants, and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight" - Numbers 13:33 This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 19. March 2004 @ 07:23
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Prisoner
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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19. March 2004 @ 08:47 |
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That was great. My favorite:
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
I am not a number
I am a Free Man
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Hanedrick
Senior Member
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19. March 2004 @ 11:13 |
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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
lol. my sister still holds stuff I did in '96 against me.
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Junior Member
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19. March 2004 @ 12:48 |
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I have NO idea what the problem is with the toilet seat. I swear, I don't get why some people have a heart attack about it.
WHY are people wasting their braincells on this issue???
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drchips
Senior Member
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19. March 2004 @ 13:11 |
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Hiya vanila,
Welcome to our little "club".
Lemme guess, Female and over 30!
Right?
Seeya....
Life is just more of the same:
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Prisoner
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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19. March 2004 @ 13:20 |
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I always put the lid down on the toilet. But thats due to germ paranoia. The mist from flushing spews out a lot of bacteria from human waste into generally everthing in the area. Including towels that may be used to wipe your face! This also pisses off some chicks.
I am not a number
I am a Free Man
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Moderator
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19. March 2004 @ 13:26 |
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HAHAHAAHAH ok who stoled the discription of my wife?!?!
http://www.Lonero.net - friend of the forums, great guitar player
#afterdawn (well i have no idea where it is anymore) |
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DaOsT
Senior Member
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20. March 2004 @ 02:35 |
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heh damm glad you guys liked it :)
::LivE ForeveR OR DiE TryiN!!::....::DonT FinD US WE WilL FinD YoU::..
ChecK OuT ThE PenguiN GamE AnD PosT YouR HighesT DistancE ON ThE ForuM
http://www.gazholland.co.uk |
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forkman
Member
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22. March 2004 @ 10:53 |
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Wish me luck i've just printed your list off and about to show it to my wife :-)
I drink lots because my Liver is EVIL
and must be punished.
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DaOsT
Senior Member
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23. March 2004 @ 01:02 |
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forkman lol get a sheild
I took it down the club last weekend and had a riot of laffs with it
::LivE ForeveR OR DiE TryiN!!::....::DonT FinD US WE WilL FinD YoU::..
ChecK OuT ThE PenguiN GamE AnD PosT YouR HighesT DistancE ON ThE ForuM
http://www.gazholland.co.uk |
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forkman
Member
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23. March 2004 @ 10:55 |
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She read it, no sex for me tonight!
I drink lots because my Liver is EVIL
and must be punished.
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DaOsT
Senior Member
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24. March 2004 @ 03:51 |
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LMAO forkman grab a 6pack then it's not sex but you get a good feelin at the end of it
DaOsT
::LivE ForeveR OR DiE TryiN!!::....::DonT FinD US WE WilL FinD YoU::..
ChecK OuT ThE PenguiN GamE AnD PosT YouR HighesT DistancE ON ThE ForuM
http://www.gazholland.co.uk |
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forkman
Member
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24. March 2004 @ 10:55 |
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Right DaOst I've got one for you,took your list down my local to show my mate who works behind the bar he had a good laugh and then produced something from behind the till.
Enjoy :-)
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET
ELEMENT:Women
SYMBOL:O!
DISCOVERER:Adam
ATOMIC MASS:Accepted as55kg,butknown to vary from 45kg to 225kg
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint
2.Boils at absolutly nothing and freezes for no apparent reason
3.found in various grades from virgin material to common ore
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1.reacts well to gold,platinum and all precious stones
2.Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3.The most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USE
1.Highly ornamental,especially in sports cars
2.Can greatly aid relaxation
3.Can be an efective cleaning agent
HAZARDS
1.Turns green when placed along side a superior specimen
2.Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact
I drink lots because my Liver is EVIL
and must be punished.
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bird1234
Member
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24. March 2004 @ 18:24 |
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LOL...I have never laughed so hard in my life, and i am still laughing while thinking about it. LOL
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DaOsT
Senior Member
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26. March 2004 @ 02:15 |
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forkman HILARIOUS its very very true also BOL
::LivE ForeveR OR DiE TryiN!!::....::DonT FinD US WE WilL FinD YoU::..
ChecK OuT ThE PenguiN GamE AnD PosT YouR HighesT DistancE ON ThE ForuM
http://www.gazholland.co.uk |
Junior Member
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26. March 2004 @ 06:07 |
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Quote:
I always put the lid down on the toilet. But thats due to germ paranoia. The mist from flushing spews out a lot of bacteria from human waste into generally everthing in the area. Including towels that may be used to wipe your face! This also pisses off some chicks.
I agree. I think anything a person does to reduce passing around grems is a good thing. When I was a child and we had dogs I got into the habit of keeping the seat down to try and prevent the dogs from exploring for water. But i didn't get upset if I found one of them drinking away! they are dogs, after all.
as far as i'm concerned, i couldn't care less if the seat is up or down. I spend no time thinking about it and I STILL can't understand why so many females seems OBSESSED with this.
It's like they want to be everyone's mommy. I'd "slap" someone who constantly nagged me about something so stupid!
"I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time."
-- Orson Welles
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Prisoner
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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26. March 2004 @ 08:16 |
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The new rule I would have for women is get a freaken dress size. Guys are easy, waist, lenght and shoulders in inches or centimeters. Women each store has a different interpridation of what a size 6 is. One place it same as other places size 8. thats Messed up. ans you tell a girl she needs a larger size she freaks out. Guys just except it. Gome on girls get some self esteem.
Oh that rant is done. Slaps expected. Oh wait theres only one women in the room. Prisoner ducks.
I am not a number
I am a Free Man
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Donuts
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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5. April 2004 @ 18:28 |
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Does anyone actually know what colour mauve is? It's hex code maybe?
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sheri1983
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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5. April 2004 @ 18:47 |
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Hex code for mauve is: FF8C8A
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Donuts
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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5. April 2004 @ 18:53 |
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Thanks, much appreciated
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Bitcount
Account closed as per user's own request
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7. April 2004 @ 21:16 |
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My girlfriend once suggested i color my hair Auburn. "What the hell is Auburn"? i asked "What do you mean 'What the hell is Auburn'"? She replied. I later found out it was the color of her couch... Which i would later sleep on...again and again
"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger."
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Junior Member
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12. April 2004 @ 12:46 |
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Quote:
The new rule I would have for women is get a freaken dress size. Guys are easy, waist, lenght and shoulders in inches or centimeters. Women each store has a different interpridation of what a size 6 is. One place it same as other places size 8. thats Messed up.
i hate that too. I happen to be tall and finding (women's) pants that fit is almost impossible. So i usually get men's.
it's SO nice just looking at the waist and inseem numbers and that's IT!
Most ladies seem to have NO idea that they can demand better!
unfortunately most womens clothes are not as well made as mens (and i mean even things like the seams and other small details).
the manufacturers must figure that because females buy more clothes they can be crap anyway.
I can't afford to do that. getting men's pants let's me keep them longer.
"I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time."
-- Orson Welles
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madbaz
Junior Member
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12. April 2004 @ 16:17 |
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I printed this out and stck it on the fridge. when the misus got home she woke me up yelling and kicked me out of bed. been on the lounge for 4 nights now. told my dad, he thought it was hillarious so i printed it out again and stuck it on his fridge now hes sleeping in the other room. not so funny now
should of stuck to the atari. bloody technology
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