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High School Research Paper!
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regor
Senior Member
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5. May 2006 @ 19:45 |
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so what's the deal Auslander... are you graduating in June?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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gerry1
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6. May 2006 @ 04:00 |
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Ah, how the hell did I miss this thread? Just for future reference, try writing a paper on a poet named Ogden Nash. He is considered "brilliant" by most, you can quote for most of your paper, and whats best is that its fun because his poetry is all silly, comical plays on words. You always get an "A" if you give the teacher some good belly laughs in the process...he's sort of a combination of classic poetry and Mad magazine but he's considered a "legit" poet. Look him up sometime, he's hysterical. I only remember one which isn't among his best:
THE OSTRICH
The ostrich roams the great sahara
It's neck is long; it's legs are narrah
And with those tall and spindly legs,
I hope it sits when it lays eggs.
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6. May 2006 @ 05:56 |
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Baloney tits.
Just when I thought I had heard it all, gerbilling was the sickest thing I have heard up to this point in time, but this may come closer.
@Auslander, I don't think they teach Faulkner anymore in the states, too much Politically Incorrect language in his writing. Heck, it's gotten so bad Walt Disney won't release "Song of the South" anymore on DVD or VHS, they call it their dirty little secret. So much for living in the "Land of the Free and the home of the Censored"
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6. May 2006 @ 05:58 |
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US History, it's kinda funny now but the US History the kids are taking now was our current events when we were in high school.
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Auslander
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6. May 2006 @ 07:38 |
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regor: may 25 :D
gerry: thanks. i'm going to add that to my mental notes for future reference :-) probably wind up using it in college.
blivetNC: oh, my teacher doesn't care about anything political. he taught us a good bit of faulkner, including the Sound and the Fury and Light in August.
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6. May 2006 @ 09:35 |
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Well, unfortunately here in the States, the board of education for each state has to approve the course material for each grade, and a lot of the good stuff is offensive to someone or something and will get left out. Hence, the kiddies nowdays get the sanitized version of modern history =(
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Auslander
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6. May 2006 @ 11:30 |
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hmm..i don't know how we get away with it, then. in my little hick town, i guess no one cares what is taught. my english teacher does have a list of books on his wall, titled, "Read These Before They Are Banned!" the Catcher in the Rye, Light in August, To Kill a Mockingbird, and many others are on there...number one is the Bible!
*off-topic even more*
my senior prom is tonight! as the lola has dumped me, i'm taking a cute little sophomore. should be fun! the car is washed, vacuumed, windex-ed, and armorall-ed....even the tires have that wet-shine crap on them...looks good! lol, i get to play chauffeur to 4 people tonight.
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6. May 2006 @ 12:41 |
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@Auslander
Have fun, stay safe, don't drink and drive and beware of the other drunks on the road....drive on the sidewalk.
@Gerry, what ever happened to all of those wonderful kitties you had?
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 6. May 2006 @ 12:42
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Auslander
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7. May 2006 @ 04:21 |
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i have now been up a full 24 hours. last night was fun. i'm sure i'll blog about it later.
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gerry1
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7. May 2006 @ 11:20 |
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@BlivetNC ... Kitties were cleared by city's animal control people. There were a whole lot of big nasty alley cats which I suspect are now in Kitty heaven (or hell, as the case may be LOL). I don't know what they did with the kittens though; I hope they gave them to the ASPCA but I'm sure there was no other option with the alley cats; they can't be domesticated. Anyway, the basement is free of cats; I wish I could say the same about the smell despite my efforts !!
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7. May 2006 @ 14:52 |
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@Auslander: Look at the date that you started this thread. The time has gone by quite quickly, at least for this old coger.
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation from high school, young fella. You are a very bright person. I hope that you do something good in your future life, and I hope that you enjoy doing it.
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
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regor
Senior Member
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7. May 2006 @ 19:38 |
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@Auslander
@GrandpaBW
Yes Auslander, several of us (at least myself and GrandpaBW anyway, and your parents of course) have been paying attention to your upcomage :). The truth be known we are proud of you.
Happy commencement, Auslander. Congratulations. Have a great summer.
Then go do it.
also, in addition to Auslander's commencement on May 25, we have these auspitious commemeratives to ponder on:
http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/today/may25.html
regor
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 7. May 2006 @ 20:14
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Auslander
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8. May 2006 @ 09:43 |
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bruce and regor: thanks, guys! you're making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! a good day just keeps getting better. at this point, i'm looking forward to this summer. should be a lot of fun. and i'll have more time to bother all you old coots here on AD! XD
don't ever hesitate to drop by, should you pass through missouri. though we have many differences between us, i'm sure a fun time would be had by all on the country backroads around here :-P
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regor
Senior Member
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12. May 2006 @ 19:25 |
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T minus 13
At 04:33 CET this morning, Auslander was launched on a Soyuz-Fregat launcher from Baikonur, Kazakhstan; mission control operated from ESOC, ESA's Space Operations Centre, in Darmstadt, Germany. Today's update includes audio clips from the communications loop used by flight controllers and includes the Flight Operations Director's pre-launch GO-NOGO "Roll-Call" at 03:38 CET as well as an interview with Ground Segment Manager Manfred Mann from the Main Control Room. Auslander is now in the critical Launch and Early Operations Phase (LEOP) with the Mission Control Team (MCT) on consoles supported by ESOC specialists from flight dynamics, software and ground systems. Grab this update! Live from corn cobb university! Mash!
And counting...
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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12. May 2006 @ 19:50 |
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wow...i always wanted to fly :D
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Moderator
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12. May 2006 @ 21:20 |
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Argh, I got a headache from all those acronyms!
My killer sig came courtesy of bb "El Jefe" mayo.
The Forum Rules You Agreed To! http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/2487
"And there we saw the giants, and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight" - Numbers 13:33 |
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regor
Senior Member
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13. May 2006 @ 19:56 |
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yeah well...
T minus 12, almost T minus 11...
....and counting!
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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15. May 2006 @ 19:49 |
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T minus 10... and counting
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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16. May 2006 @ 18:34 |
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T minus 9... and counting
My killer sig came courtesy of bb "El Jefe" mayo.
The Forum Rules You Agreed To! http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/2487
"And there we saw the giants, and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight" - Numbers 13:33
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16. May 2006 @ 18:57 |
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My High School Research Paper
Read carefully, and you will learn a lot of incorrect information.
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. Soloman, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, the threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would turture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
In medevil time most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and versus and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interes in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest write of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is only famous because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the Kind by attack his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal for them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse devided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest president. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Graity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off trees.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. The the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplary of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
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Member
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16. May 2006 @ 19:11 |
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Yes my congratulations on your upcoming graduation too (if im no too late) its nice to see friends doing well in life ^_^
Quote:
you're making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
umm isnt that suposed to be on the out side :P
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 16. May 2006 @ 19:12
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Senior Member
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16. May 2006 @ 19:25 |
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Warm and fuzzy inside?
Sounds like you are getting gerbiled there.
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Moderator
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16. May 2006 @ 19:26 |
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Someone say gerbils?
My killer sig came courtesy of bb "El Jefe" mayo.
The Forum Rules You Agreed To! http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/2487
"And there we saw the giants, and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight" - Numbers 13:33
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regor
Senior Member
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16. May 2006 @ 19:54 |
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ahhh Nephilim... leave it to you to bring the best of Richard Gere into the equasion. Happy Graduation Auslander, you and Richard! :)
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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16. May 2006 @ 20:10 |
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and.. @ Ireland....
The only thing I dare say is....
I hope Adriana doesn't grow boobs on her neck!
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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