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Ireland's And All Members Jokes And Picture Thread For All Days Of The Week
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. November 2006 @ 08:07 |
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Murphy's Sex Laws
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you?ve had it, if it?s offered take it, because it?ll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you?ve got and 50% what people think you?ve got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man?s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can?t stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it?s done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won?t either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night ? Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
27. Before you find your handsome prince, you?ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.
28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
29. Love your neighbor, but don?t get caught.
30. Love is a hole in the heart.
31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
33. Do it only with the best.
34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
39. Thou shalt not commit adultery?..unless in the mood.
40. Never lie down with a woman who?s got more troubles than you.
41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
42. Never argue with a women when she?s tired ? or rested.
43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn?t.
44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
46. Never say no.
47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn?t love her.
48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
52. Love comes in spurts.
53. The world does not revolve on an axis.
54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
56. Don?t do it if you can?t keep it up.
57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
60. ?This won?t hurt, I promise,?
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. November 2006 @ 08:15 |
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I never notcied this thread before. I have already posted this picture in another thread but I figured I would put it here to since it should have been here in the first place. President Bushes new motion picture film he is in...
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. November 2006 @ 15:26 |
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Update President Bush new movie won best Motion Picture of the Year. Him and the cast receiving the award...
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gerry1
Suspended permanently
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12. November 2006 @ 15:31 |
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LOL! I get a chuckle every time I see your geeky sig!
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. November 2006 @ 15:57 |
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Yeah im kinda fond of it also. It is 1 of my better pictures.
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. November 2006 @ 15:59 |
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DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:00 |
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LAUNDRY STAIN REMOVAL GUIDE
Here's a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:
Blood - Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out as much.
Ink - Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?"
Grass - Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera, and show off the unbelievable results.
Mud - Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.
Tomato Sauce - Take out the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him gangland-style in the back of the head. Capeche?
Coffee - Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.
Wine - Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care about some little freaking stain.
Chewing Gum - Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on dotted line.
Nail Polish - Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing "homecrafted" look?
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:01 |
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A DIET QUIZ
If you answer "yes" to eight or more of these questions, you may want to consider restricting your future calorie intake:
* Has your neighborhood grocery store ever offered to send for you with a limo?
* After ordering lunch at a fast-food drive-through window, has it ever been delivered to your car on a hand truck?
* Within the last month, have you burned out more than two refrigerator bulbs?
* Do people often decide to follow you up on the next elevator?
* Has your fork ever suddenly come up missing?
* Have you ever broken out in a cold sweat when you realized you were more than a mile from the nearest Taco Bell?
* Is there a restraining order against you from the Association of All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants?
* On a recent Caribbean cruise, did the captain order you to stay in the center of the ship?
* Do your picnics in the country involve renting a U-Haul?
* Does the left side of your car seem to bottom out a lot?
* Does your street always seem to have more potholes than other streets?
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:03 |
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EARTHQUAKE SAFETY TIPS
Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:
- Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, "I told you so."
- To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
- Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.
- Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.
- Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.
- Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let's see Mr. Bear help you now.
- For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
- A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.
- Be sure to mail your house insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.
- In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.
- If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you've wasted your life.
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:04 |
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SIGNS THAT RONALD MCDONALD HAS GROWN UP
- No longer signs paychecks in crayon.
- That new "Mr. Happy Meal."
- Distinctive odor of bourbon and stale cigars at personal appearances.
- Two words: sagging buns.
- Replacing floppy red shoes with floppy black wingtips.
- Now offering "Happy Hour" Meals.
- No longer asks women if they want to see his McNuggets.
- Instead of size 46 shoe, now takes a size 62.
- Gin has replaced make-up as his nose-reddener.
- That telltale bottle of Clairol Fire Engine Red #4 in his shower.
- Seen with Jack-in-the-Box at strip clubs stuffing fries down g-strings.
- Three kids injured in unfortunate stubble incident.
- Has a McBeergut.
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:05 |
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WHY THE 80's WERE COOLER FOR BEING A TEENAGER THAN THE 90's
- MTV actually played videos in the 80's.
- There was only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swoosh), and they didn't cost $125.
- A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose.
- In the 80's, playing video games actually meant going out to DO something.
- In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell phone.
- In the 80s, we didn't have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school - unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke.
- Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the Block vs. N'Sync. New Edition vs. Hanson. Ok, that one's a draw.
- In the early 80's, there were kids in your high school who could buy alcohol LEGALLY.
- Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks.
- In the 80's, you didn't have to worry about your pants falling down all the time. They were so tight we couldn't get them off!
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:06 |
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DEFINITIONS
It may help to say the word out loud... Perhaps slowly.
Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable \uh-avoy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse \i-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank \left' bangk'\: What the robber did after his bag was full of loot.
Misty \miss'-tee\: How golfers create divots.
Paradox \par'-of-docks\: Two physicians.
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.
Primate \pri'-mate\: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief \ree-leaf'\: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: What you do to relax your wife.
Seamstress \seem'-stress\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Subdued \some-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed \soo'-da-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official.
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:07 |
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FAMOUS LAST WORDS
"I'll get a world record for this."
"It's fireproof."
"He's probably just hibernating."
"What does this button do?"
"I'm making a citizen's arrest."
"So, you're a cannibal..."
"It's probably just a rash."
"Are you sure the power is off?"
"Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?"
"The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!"
"Pull the pin and count to what?"
"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"
"I wonder where the mother bear is?"
"I've seen this done on TV."
"These are the good kind of mushrooms."
"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."
"Let it down slowly."
"Rat poison only kills rats."
"Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town."
"It's strong enough for both of us."
"This doesn't taste right."
"I can make this light before it changes."
"Nice doggie."
"I can do that with my eyes closed."
"I've done this before."
"Well, we've made it this far."
"That's odd."
"You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?"
"Don't be so superstitious."
"Now watch this..."
"What duck?"
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. November 2006 @ 13:08 |
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100 REASONS TO PARTY
1. Because it's Friday.
2. Because your dentist canceled your appointment.
3. Because you can't think of anything boring to do.
4. Because it's daytime.
5. Because it's nighttime.
6. Because it's exactly one week later than it was this time last week.
7. Because you like to make ice.
8. Because you want to annoy your neighbors.
9. Because you're dying to wear your new light shade.
10. Because you're tired of playing 'Charades' with yourself.
11. Because you're carrying a party gene.
12. Because you found the perfect shoes.
13. Because you're afraid your lifestyle is too healthy.
14. Because you never know...
15. Because your place could use a good mess.
16. Because your mother needs something to be upset about.
17. Because you have a sudden urge to limbo.
18. Because your inhibitions are out of town.
19. Because the bank made an error in your favor.
20. Because it's there.
21. Because you need more bean dip in your diet.
22. Because the fun content of your blood is too low.
23. Because you look good doing it.
24. Because you're considering it as a career.
25. Because your yo-yo stock went up a point.
26. Because someone's got to do it.
27. Because you have a bad reputation to uphold.
28. Because your plants want to meet new people.
29. Because fun is a terrible thing to waste.
30. Because you want to try out your new jokes.
31. Because it's your patriotic duty.
32. Because you're going for the party record.
33. Because your roommate got rid of his scorpion farm.
34. Because you need the practice.
35. Because you're not getting any younger.
36. Because the vet says your hamster will pull through.
37. Because you've got it coming to you.
38. Because your life is starting to grow moss.
39. Because your brain needs a night off.
40. Because you never met a party you didn't like.
41. Because the fate of the free world depends on it.
42. Because the universe is expanding.
43. Because your dog is finally housebroken.
44. Because it's the only exercise you get.
45. Because maturity is overrated.
46. Because a party demon has possessed your body.
47. Because it hurts too much when you stop.
48. Because these are your "party years!"
49. Because you're too polite to turn down an invitation.
50. Because you can't boogie to a book.
51. Because you have an overactive party gland.
52. Because the moon is in a party phase.
53. Because otherwise the police would have nothing to do.
54. Because curfew has been lifted.
55. Because the phone company lost your Internet bill.
56. Because you won the lottery and feel reckless.
57. Because life seems so dull without it.
58. Because that's how the dinosaurs would have wanted to go.
59. Because you haven't eaten a million corn chips yet.
60. Because you're suffering from popcorn deficiency.
61. Because you're supposed to be the irresponsible one.
62. Because how else are you going to learn to juggle chainsaws?
63. Because your bank manager finally lifted that death threat.
64. Because you need to get to know more riot police.
65. Because your budgie ate your concert tickets and you need to let the party feeling out somehow.
66. Because the voices tell you to.
67. Because if not you, who else?
68. Because it's time.
69. Because the local committee like you too much.
70. Because you need to cultivate a bad impression.
71. Because if you don't you'll explode.
72. Because you got your coursework in on time.
73. Because your lecturer forgot to set work for the weekend.
74. Because you suspect you're too uptight.
75. Because you need to get ready for New Year's.
76. Because THEY don't want you to.
77. Because it's a long way till midnight, and you've got ten crates to get through.
78. Because you want to finish all the food in your house before dawn.
79. Because someone bet you to.
80. Because the dice tell you to. (see Luke Rhinehart)
81. Because you haven't heard a police megaphone for a whole week.
82. Because you want to meet new alcohol.
83. Because that's the last thing they'll expect.
84. Because it's down to you.
85. Because you spend too much time on the Net and you don't want to develop keyboard withdrawal.
87. Because how else are you going to rebel?
88. Because you just want to, alright, ALRIGHT?!
89. Because you're too tense.
90. Because everyone you know needs convincing you're insane.
91. Because your parrot accused you of being boring.
92. Because you know at least "30 things to do before you're 30" that you haven't done.
93. Because you need good reference material.
94. Because you want to create a false identity.
95. Because you want to prove you can.
96. Because you feel like everyone's ignoring you.
97. Because you want to improve your crime sheet.
98. Because you have a very evil punch recipe.
99. Because because because because... because of the wonderful things it does! (see Wizard of Oz)
100. Because you need to work on your purity test score.
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AfterDawn Addict
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14. December 2006 @ 19:34 |
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DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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AfterDawn Addict
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15. December 2006 @ 14:57 |
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DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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AfterDawn Addict
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19. December 2006 @ 17:07 |
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Men are stupid, more
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
Men are stupid
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
Three choices
A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank.
Which one does he end up marrying?
The one with the biggest boobs, of course.
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AfterDawn Addict
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19. December 2006 @ 17:18 |
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Marylou the Horse
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' he says.
'That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it,' she replies.
'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,' he explains.
She looks satisfied and apologises.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him
with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to his senses, he says, 'What was that for?'
'Your horse phoned.'
Morning Song
I Woke Early One Morning, The Earth Lay Cool And Still
When Suddenly A Tiny Bird Perched On My Window Sill,
He Sang A Song So Lovely So Carefree And So Gay,
And Slowly All My Troubles Began To Slip Away.
He Sang Of Far Off Places Of Laughter And Of Fun,
It Seemed His Very Trilling, Brought Up The Morning Sun.
I Stirred Beneath The Covers Crept Slowly Out Of Bed,
Then Gently Shut The Window And Crushed His bitching Head.
I'm Not A Morning Person.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 19. December 2006 @ 17:19
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AfterDawn Addict
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19. December 2006 @ 17:24 |
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A Girl's Prayer
A Girls Prayer
Lord
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask 'How big's my behind?'
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead.
Amen.
Say a prayer.
A lady approaches a priest at a restaurant and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
'They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?'
'That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to the rectory and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
'Oh Thank you!' the woman responded.
The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looks over at the other male and exclaims, 'Put the beads away, Our prayers have been answered!!!'
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AfterDawn Addict
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1. January 2007 @ 09:17 |
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BALANCE OF LIFE
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled,
"There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."
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AfterDawn Addict
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1. January 2007 @ 09:18 |
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Dentist
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied. "You keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
"I didn't feel a thing!"
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AfterDawn Addict
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1. January 2007 @ 09:19 |
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Password
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello, How are you ! We've been waiting for you ! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place ! How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been ?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And, my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word ?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia." Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry ... there'll be Hell to pay later.
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AfterDawn Addict
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2. May 2007 @ 09:18 |
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DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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AfterDawn Addict
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12. August 2007 @ 22:22 |
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A HORNY SADDLE
A blonde girl is driving through the West. Her car runs out of gas and an Indian comes along on a horse and gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk.
Finally, he drops her off with a final "Yaaaaa-Hooo!," and gallops off.
"My god!" says the gas station guy, "What the hell were you doing to that Injun to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the blonde, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."
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AfterDawn Addict
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13. August 2007 @ 06:44 |
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Oops
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 13. August 2007 @ 06:45
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