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Your Horoscopes For Today

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be Progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general loser.

ARIES (Mar21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a p@ick.

TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap b@stard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on drinking booze.

CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a penny. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving sods and spend most of their lives kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while having sex. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably nuts. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are spineless. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) - The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect S.O.B.. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN (Dec22-Jan 19) - You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically spineless. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Become a monk.

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Originally posted by docTY:

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welcome back Pete (arniebear), you certainly have been missed :)

i'm glad to hear things are good for you now...just in case you are wondering who this is, it's the Doc, aka kivory666...started a new screenname and retired the old one to the media forums~

take care buddy, it's great to see you again.

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Jesus was a Capricorn! Morning all

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Seeing Eye Dog (true story)

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this . . .

All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!

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Actually gerry, due to precession of the equinoxes, the whole astronomical calendar has shifted, already, one sign backwards; since it originated. Due to earth's wobble on it's axis the polar axis circumscribes a tiny patch in the northern sky, southern to. Just so happens the N pole is pointed toward Polaris; that won't be the case in the millenia to come. The whole circuit (aries to aries) takes about 26,000 years.

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Actually gerry, due to precession of the equinoxes, the whole astronomical calendar has shifted, already, one sign backwards; since it originated. Due to earth's wobble on it's axis the polar axis circumscribes a tiny patch in the northern sky, southern to. Just so happens the N pole is pointed toward Polaris; that won't be the case in the millenia to come. The whole circuit (aries to aries) takes about 26,000 years.

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