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Ireland's And All Members Jokes And Picture Thread For All Days Of The Week
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 10:30 |
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CLICK ON THE FORUM RULES PICTURE TO READ THE AFTERDAWN RULES
A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion
HERE
http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/321926
I am starting a new thread,please no bitching
WE HAVE A BITCH THREAD HERE.....
http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/539722
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.
No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the men started clapping.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 15. August 2007 @ 10:47
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 10:32 |
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One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died."
Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well."
Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?"
"Get in line."
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 25. December 2005 @ 11:04
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 10:34 |
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The female always make the rules.
The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The female may change her mind at any time.
The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The male is expected to mind read at all times.
The female is ready when she is ready.
The male must be ready at all times.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 25. December 2005 @ 11:02
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 10:41 |
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Four Letter Words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 25. December 2005 @ 10:46
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boob
Suspended permanently
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25. December 2005 @ 11:11 |
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i only have racial jokes and i dont think those are welcome.
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 11:22 |
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@boob your 100% right
Reverse Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The man responds, at the top of his lungs, "No I will not pay $200!"
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Senior Member
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25. December 2005 @ 15:48 |
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ive got heaps of jokes but some are dirty or aimed at blondes or racist.i can't think of any clean ones off the top of my head right now.nice jokes there ireland.
custom built gaming pc from early 2010,ps2 with 15 games all original,ps3 500gbs with 5 games all original,yamaha amp and 5.1channel surround sound speakers,46inch sony lcd smart tv.
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 16:26 |
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A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her bum. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?"
"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 25. December 2005 @ 16:28
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 16:32 |
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Three men were walking down a street and found a bottle laying on the side of the road. They picked it up and a genie popped out. The genie said, "You will each get one wish."
The first man wished he was 20 times smarter. The genie made him 20 times smarter. The second man wished he was 30 times smarter. The genie made him 30 times smarter. The last man wished he was 60 times smarter.
The genie turned him into a woman.
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 16:39 |
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A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well, " the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness".
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 17:11 |
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AfterDawn Addict
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25. December 2005 @ 17:21 |
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geestar20
that one was for friday,this one is for every day.....*(so their.....
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Phyco_Can
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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26. December 2005 @ 01:50 |
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@ireland LMAO, ok i got 2 jokes but no pic,too bad.......
1)ok so the kingo of the jungle(the lion) decides hes not hunting for his own food anymore so he orders the rest of the jungle animals to bring min meat,and if he was displeased there would be severe punishment so the wolverine brings him a bobcat ,the lion says thank you you are dimissed ,the monkey comes with grapes and the lion goes,what the hell is this.and starts sticking the grapes up the monkeys @$$ and instead of yelling the monkey starts laghing harder and harder so the lion is finnaly fed up with it and says why are you laghing ,the monkey goes,the baboon came with a watermelon.......
2)never mind i just remembered it was a dirty joke
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. December 2005 @ 03:42 |
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Accidental Meeting
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says "You take the first drink", then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. December 2005 @ 03:47 |
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Til Death Do Us Part
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. December 2005 @ 04:19 |
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off topic
PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS NUTS!
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the
privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam
law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just
think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world
that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The
husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner
desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only
in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband,
and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to
witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex
with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass
this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines
with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending
machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for
consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its
own weight and always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt.
pay for this research??)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too)
And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their
butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. December 2005 @ 07:35 |
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How to Shower Like a Woman
How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.
3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.
4. Turn on hot water only.
5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam.
6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
8. Rinse hair.
9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.
11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off).
14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered.
15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.
16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
17. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
How to Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)
4. Turn on the water.
5. Check for pecs again. (Still No.)
6. Get in the shower.
7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)
8. Wash your face.
9. Wash your armpits.
10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.
11. Wash your bum.
12. Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner.
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
15. Pee.
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 27. December 2005 @ 07:45
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AfterDawn Addict
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27. December 2005 @ 18:42 |
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Fear Not 
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church, listening to the organ play.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years!"
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 05:05 |
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A collection of insults!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 28. December 2005 @ 05:14
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 05:15 |
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Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Hanuakkah....
No. 10
No big, fat guy getting stuck in your chimney.
No. 9
Cleaning wax off your menorah is slightly easier
than dismantling an 8-foot tall fir tree.
No. 8
Compare: chocolate gelt vs. fruitcake.
No. 7
You get to learn cool new words like "Kislev" and
"far-shtoonken-ah."
No. 6
No brutal let-down when you discover that Santa
Claus isn't real.
No. 5
Your neighbors are unlikely to complain about how
your menorah is blinding them senseless.
No. 4
It's like a big reunion when everyone gathers at the
Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve.
No. 3
In a holiday character face-off, Judah Macabee could
kick Frosty's butt.
No. 2
No need to clean up big piles of reindeer poop off
your roof
And the Number One reason why everyone should
celebrate Hanuakkah is:
**.None of that Naughty or Nice nonsense**
Everyone gets loot !!!
HAPPY Hanuakkah!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THREE WISE JEWISH WOMEN
What would have happened if three wise Jewish women had gone to Bethlehem instead of three wise men? They would have:
- asked directions.
- arrived on time.
- helped deliver the baby.
- hired someone to clean the stable.
- made a brisket.
- and brought practical gifts.
And what would they have said to each other after they left?
"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that shmatta?"
"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"
"Virgin? I knew her in school!"
"Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in there?"
"I heard that Joseph doesn't have a job."
"And that donkey they are riding has seen better days!"
"We'll just see how long it will take to get your brisket dish back.
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 05:19 |
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A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after
an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said. She asked, "How long will it
be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one
has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 05:41 |
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Hung
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 06:03 |
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Show Off
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 28. December 2005 @ 06:08
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 14:08 |
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 NOT A JOKE BUT FUN TO READ...
The Top The Top 10 Craziest Science Stuff you didn't know
Contextual advertising
You can Hypnotize Chickens
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
You can have an erection once dead
A death erection (sometimes referred to as "angel lust") is a post-mortem erection which occurs when a male individual dies vertically or face-down ? the cadaver remaining in this position. During life, the pumping of blood by the heart ensures a relatively even distribution around the blood vessels of the human body. Once this mechanism has ended, only the force of gravity acts upon the blood. As with any mass, the blood settles at the lowest point of the body and causes edema or swelling to occur; the discoloration caused by this is called lividity. Sorry, no photo for this one!
Your hand can have a life of it's own
Alien hand syndrome (or Dr. Strangelove syndrome) is an unusual neurological disorder in which one of the sufferer's hands seems to take on a life of its own.
AHS is best documented in cases where a person has had the two hemispheres of their brain surgically separated, a procedure sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of extreme cases of epilepsy. It also occurs in some cases after other brain surgery, strokes, or infections. The HAND is after you!
Don't laugh too much, it can kill you
Fatal hilarity is death as a result of laughter. In the third century B.C. the Greek philosopher Chrysippus died of laughter after seeing a donkey eating figs (hey, it wasn't THAT funny).
On 24 March 1975 Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, literally died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies. According to his wife, who was a witness, Mitchell was unable to stop laughing whilst watching a sketch in the episode "Kung Fu Kapers" in which Tim Brooke-Taylor, dressed as a kilted Scotsman, used a set of bagpipes to defend himself from a psychopathic black pudding in a demonstration of the Scottish martial art of "Hoots-Toot-ochaye". After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant.
A weapon could make you Gay
Gay bomb is an informal name for a potential non-lethal chemical weapon, which a U.S. Air Force research laboratory speculated about producing.
In one sentence of the document it was suggested that a strong aphrodisiac could be dropped on enemy troops, ideally one which would also cause "homosexual behaviour". So that's how they got Saddam!
It's true, Men can breastfeed
The phenomenon of male lactation in humans has become more common in recent years due to the use of medications that stimulate a human male's mammary glands.
Male lactation is most commonly caused by hormonal treatments given to men suffering from prostate cancer. It is also possible for males (and females) to induce lactation through constant massage and simulated 'sucking' of the nipple over a long period of time (months).
Bart Simpson's Tomacco (half tomato, half tobacco) was possible
A tomacco is originally a fictional hybrid fruit that is half tomato and half tobacco, from the 1999 episode "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" of The Simpsons; the method used to create the tomacco in the episode is fictional.
The tomacco became real when it was allegedly produced in 2003. Inspired by The Simpsons, Rob Baur of Lake Oswego, Oregon successfully grafted a tomato plant onto the roots of a tobacco plant, which was possible because both plants come from the same family.
It's OK to have a third nipple
A supernumerary nipple (also known as a third nipple) is an additional nipple occurring in mammals including humans. Often mistaken for moles, supernumerary nipples are diagnosed at a rate of 2% in females, less in males. The nipples appear along the two vertical "milk lines" which start in the armpit on each side, run down through the typical nipples and end at the groin. They are classified into eight levels of completeness from a simple patch of hair to a milk-bearing breast in miniature.
You can die on the Toilet
There are many toilet-related injuries and some toilet-related deaths throughout history and in urban legends.
In young boys, one of the most common causes of genital injury is when the toilet seat falls down while using the toilet.
George II of Great Britain died on the toilet on 25 October 1760 from an aortic dissection. According to Horace Walpole's memoirs, King George "rose as usual at six, and drank his chocolate; for all his actions were invariably methodic. A quarter after seven he went into a little closet. His German valet de chambre in waiting heard a noise, and running in, found the King dead on the floor."
Picking one's nose and eating it might be healthy
Mucophagy (literally mucus-eating, also referred as picking one's nose and eating it) is the consumption of the nasal mucus, boogers, and other detritus obtained from nose-picking.
Some research suggests that mucophagy may be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the immune system.
Some of this stuff is really out there.
You can Hypnotize Chickens
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
- 2spare.com
The Top 10 Craziest Science Stuff you didn't know
Contextual advertising
You can Hypnotize Chickens
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
You can have an erection once dead
A death erection (sometimes referred to as "angel lust") is a post-mortem erection which occurs when a male individual dies vertically or face-down ? the cadaver remaining in this position. During life, the pumping of blood by the heart ensures a relatively even distribution around the blood vessels of the human body. Once this mechanism has ended, only the force of gravity acts upon the blood. As with any mass, the blood settles at the lowest point of the body and causes edema or swelling to occur; the discoloration caused by this is called lividity. Sorry, no photo for this one!
Your hand can have a life of it's own
Alien hand syndrome (or Dr. Strangelove syndrome) is an unusual neurological disorder in which one of the sufferer's hands seems to take on a life of its own.
AHS is best documented in cases where a person has had the two hemispheres of their brain surgically separated, a procedure sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of extreme cases of epilepsy. It also occurs in some cases after other brain surgery, strokes, or infections. The HAND is after you!
Don't laugh too much, it can kill you
Fatal hilarity is death as a result of laughter. In the third century B.C. the Greek philosopher Chrysippus died of laughter after seeing a donkey eating figs (hey, it wasn't THAT funny).
On 24 March 1975 Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, literally died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies. According to his wife, who was a witness, Mitchell was unable to stop laughing whilst watching a sketch in the episode "Kung Fu Kapers" in which Tim Brooke-Taylor, dressed as a kilted Scotsman, used a set of bagpipes to defend himself from a psychopathic black pudding in a demonstration of the Scottish martial art of "Hoots-Toot-ochaye". After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant.
A weapon could make you Gay
Gay bomb is an informal name for a potential non-lethal chemical weapon, which a U.S. Air Force research laboratory speculated about producing.
In one sentence of the document it was suggested that a strong aphrodisiac could be dropped on enemy troops, ideally one which would also cause "homosexual behaviour". So that's how they got Saddam!
It's true, Men can breastfeed
The phenomenon of male lactation in humans has become more common in recent years due to the use of medications that stimulate a human male's mammary glands.
Male lactation is most commonly caused by hormonal treatments given to men suffering from prostate cancer. It is also possible for males (and females) to induce lactation through constant massage and simulated 'sucking' of the nipple over a long period of time (months).
Bart Simpson's Tomacco (half tomato, half tobacco) was possible
A tomacco is originally a fictional hybrid fruit that is half tomato and half tobacco, from the 1999 episode "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" of The Simpsons; the method used to create the tomacco in the episode is fictional.
The tomacco became real when it was allegedly produced in 2003. Inspired by The Simpsons, Rob Baur of Lake Oswego, Oregon successfully grafted a tomato plant onto the roots of a tobacco plant, which was possible because both plants come from the same family.
It's OK to have a third nipple
A supernumerary nipple (also known as a third nipple) is an additional nipple occurring in mammals including humans. Often mistaken for moles, supernumerary nipples are diagnosed at a rate of 2% in females, less in males. The nipples appear along the two vertical "milk lines" which start in the armpit on each side, run down through the typical nipples and end at the groin. They are classified into eight levels of completeness from a simple patch of hair to a milk-bearing breast in miniature.
You can die on the Toilet
There are many toilet-related injuries and some toilet-related deaths throughout history and in urban legends.
In young boys, one of the most common causes of genital injury is when the toilet seat falls down while using the toilet.
George II of Great Britain died on the toilet on 25 October 1760 from an aortic dissection. According to Horace Walpole's memoirs, King George "rose as usual at six, and drank his chocolate; for all his actions were invariably methodic. A quarter after seven he went into a little closet. His German valet de chambre in waiting heard a noise, and running in, found the King dead on the floor."
Picking one's nose and eating it might be healthy
Mucophagy (literally mucus-eating, also referred as picking one's nose and eating it) is the consumption of the nasal mucus, boogers, and other detritus obtained from nose-picking.
Some research suggests that mucophagy may be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the immune system.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 28. December 2005 @ 14:42
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. December 2005 @ 16:51 |
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here's an oldie:
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young blonde wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
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