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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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ddp
Moderator
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28. June 2005 @ 14:09 |
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2nd that & we'll not call him names, yet!!!
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AfterDawn Addict
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28. June 2005 @ 15:25 |
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2nd that last part.
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regor
Senior Member
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28. June 2005 @ 20:22 |
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let him cry while he's eating cake!
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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andmerr
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28. June 2005 @ 22:57 |
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Include your Children when Baking Cookies
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Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
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Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to
66 Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
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Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
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Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
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Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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29. June 2005 @ 04:19 |
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lol, whippin out the good stuff, eh, andmerr?
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AfterDawn Addict
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29. June 2005 @ 14:45 |
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ROFLMAO at your last jokes, Andmerr!
My vote is to make this thread a sticky! I don't know how many times that I have come here for a smile, when my day hasn't gone so well. It has never failed to put me in a better mood. :)
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 29. June 2005 @ 14:47
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andmerr
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30. June 2005 @ 00:41 |
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you know guys its getting to the stage where i forget what i've actually posted and still even harder to remain funny.
if i err or repeat please let me know!!!!!!
andmerr
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AfterDawn Addict
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30. June 2005 @ 01:10 |
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my vote for this thread to stay put right where it is...have a smile on my face right now~ :P
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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30. June 2005 @ 01:16 |
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you might have to see neph or another mod if you want it as a sticky
GrandpaBW
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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1. July 2005 @ 02:43 |
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yes its friday:
his face was drawn but the curtains were real
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baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
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1. July 2005 @ 10:30 |
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
Is this true ladies, and if so are you bold enough to share your size on Afterdawn?
I maybe sailing close to the wind there, but hell it's the weekend.............
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
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ddp
Moderator
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1. July 2005 @ 11:22 |
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h size must be for chesty morgan!!
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Senior Member
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1. July 2005 @ 11:38 |
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omg baahaa that's some nice stuff
i wonder where u people got all these jokes from???
stop hoping, start loving.
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ddp
Moderator
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1. July 2005 @ 11:46 |
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off the net!!
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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1. July 2005 @ 11:48 |
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Quote:
Is this true ladies, and if so are you bold enough to share your size on Afterdawn?
so who's going to get auslander to ask lola?????
or better yet baabaa you could always ask binkie7 for her opinion!!!!
'ope your little legs wont fail you when they come gunning for ya
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ddp
Moderator
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1. July 2005 @ 11:50 |
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or you be lamb chops for suppers & your wool turned to clothes!!!
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baabaa
AfterDawn Addict
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1. July 2005 @ 12:03 |
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LOL, ya never know.............
It's here for them to stumble across, I don't like asking the ladies those sorts of questions really.................
Although, I have found it useful in the past..............LOL
...............PIO is no go, DMA all the way...............
Beware of the Pixies - they move in over night and turn your life upside down
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b.torrent
Newbie
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1. July 2005 @ 12:16 |
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What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.
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AfterDawn Addict
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1. July 2005 @ 14:10 |
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I love my 36C beauties.
I am jealous of Nephs' though. His are far more perky & pert!
LMAO
(Risking been banned here!)
I wouldn't mind waking up to those bad boys every morning!
An aroused Pulsar
Gif by Phantom69
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ddp
Moderator
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1. July 2005 @ 16:02 |
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down boy!!!! oh neph, pulsar wants you!!!!
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regor
Senior Member
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1. July 2005 @ 19:54 |
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and the twins are 'au naturale'...
I still say that you should braid or maybe even consider pony tails with little yellow ribbons, Nephilim. The twins would be absolutely charming in pig tails!
post pics!
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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1. July 2005 @ 20:15 |
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I will probably get thrown out of AD for this one... nice knowing you...
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To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
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To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.
What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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ddp
Moderator
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1. July 2005 @ 21:28 |
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good 1 regor!!!
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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2. July 2005 @ 06:55 |
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Quote:
so who's going to get auslander to ask lola?????
auslander already knows it and he isn't sharing with anyone! :-P
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Member
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2. July 2005 @ 09:00 |
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That doesn't mean I can't reply, but I won't. At least not right now. I can tell you though, that they are big enough for me. I wouldn't mind having smaller ones.
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