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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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Icanbe
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27. November 2008 @ 16:51 |
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A man in California calls his son in Tennessee the day before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls California immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth. |
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AfterDawn Addict
1 product review
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27. November 2008 @ 17:34 |
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An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, baleing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, So I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence. She got up and left without saying anything else.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.
"The flimsier the product,the higher the price"
Ferengi 82nd rule of aqusition
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scorpNZ
AfterDawn Addict
4 product reviews
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27. November 2008 @ 18:17 |
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The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , <ST1:COUNTRY-REGIoN Ireland >.. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners .'
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AfterDawn Addict
1 product review
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28. November 2008 @ 02:51 |
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An elderly woman, in her late 60's, has a dream. In her dream, God speaks to her and tells her she will live at least another 35 years.
In the morning, the woman wakes up full of energy, takes the "funeral fund" and checks herself into a plastic surgery clinic.
She gets full treatment- botox, collagen and silicone implants, liposuction,lifting, dyes her hair blond...everything.
By the time she checks out of the hospital, she looks like a vibrant Pamela Anderson. As she was crossing the street, getting out of the clinic, gets hit by a bus and dies.
When she gets her turn for her interview with God at the heaven's gate, she asks him:
-"God, you are the quintessence of truth! You told me I would live at least 35 more prosperous years, and yet, here I am a week later. Why did you kill me!?!"
-"Sorry, my bad, I didn't recognize you!"
 Piss me off, and I Will ignore You! |
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28. November 2008 @ 10:19 |
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For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford
it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son , where are you going?" Little Joseph
told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom
you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was
coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000
mortgage and no bike!
Antec 1200 Full-Tower Case/Thermaltake 750-Watt PS/ASUS SABERTOOTH Z77 Mobo/Western Digital Black WD500 500GB 7200 RPM 64MB Cache/NVIDIA GeForce 8800GTX 384-bit GDDR3 PCI Express Video Card/CORSAIR DOMINATOR PLATINUM 16GB DDR3 /Intel Core i7-3770K Ivy Bridge 3.5GHz (3.9GHz Turbo)/CORSAIR Hydro High Performance Liquid CPU Cooler/3-Asus DRW-24B1ST Sata Drives/Samsung 2493HM 24" LCD Monitior 1920x1200 resolution,5ms respone time/OS Windows 10 Pro SP1 64-bit
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AfterDawn Addict
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9. December 2008 @ 01:26 |
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started ...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started ...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive ...
So, I took her to a gas station ...
And then the fight started ...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring
at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend ... I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started ...
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started ...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf.
Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started ...
Antec 1200 Full-Tower Case/Thermaltake 750-Watt PS/ASUS SABERTOOTH Z77 Mobo/Western Digital Black WD500 500GB 7200 RPM 64MB Cache/NVIDIA GeForce 8800GTX 384-bit GDDR3 PCI Express Video Card/CORSAIR DOMINATOR PLATINUM 16GB DDR3 /Intel Core i7-3770K Ivy Bridge 3.5GHz (3.9GHz Turbo)/CORSAIR Hydro High Performance Liquid CPU Cooler/3-Asus DRW-24B1ST Sata Drives/Samsung 2493HM 24" LCD Monitior 1920x1200 resolution,5ms respone time/OS Windows 10 Pro SP1 64-bit
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AfterDawn Addict
1 product review
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9. December 2008 @ 02:16 |
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Hell Explained by a Chemistry
Student
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student
was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as
well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it
expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the
following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls
are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we
can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore,
no souls are leaving. As for
how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of
these religions and since people do not belong to
more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth
and death rates as they are,
we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than
the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a
rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number two must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls
and is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving
the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting "Oh my
God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
"The flimsier the product,the higher the price"
Ferengi 82nd rule of aqusition
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Member
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9. December 2008 @ 12:49 |
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Gynecologist's Assistant
> > >>>
> A young man goes into the Job
Center in Downtown
Los Angeles, and sees
> a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
> > >>>
> Interested, he goes to learn more; 'Can you give me some more
> details?' he asks the clerk.
> > >>>
> The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the
> ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of
their
> underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
> then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in
> soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's
> examination.
> > >>>
> There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going to have to go
to
> Albuquerque New Mexico . That's about 620
> > miles from here.'
> > >>>
> 'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
> > >>>
> 'No sir --- that's where the end of the line is right now??.
Laptop- AMD Athlon X2 64 @1.9ghz, 4gb ddr2 @667mhz, 120 gb hdd, nVidia GeForce 8200m, 8x DVD-DL Burner, 15.4" widescreen, Windows 7 Ultimate
V9 PS2 with clear blue fliptop& swapmagic 3.6
iPhone 3G 8GB OS 3.0 Jailbroken w/ MMS and Tethering Enabled
30gb Black Video iPod
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Icanbe
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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9. December 2008 @ 13:31 |
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Bill worked in a pickle factory..
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion..
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my p@#$s into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did..' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth.
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Icanbe
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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9. December 2008 @ 14:46 |
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A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree . . . .
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth.
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Icanbe
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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11. December 2008 @ 14:56 |
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> SMART A_S ANSWER #5 --
>
> It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
> 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked
> John, seated in front.
> 'What are my choices?' John asked.
> 'Yes or no,' she replied.
>
> SMART A_S ANSWER #4 --
>
> A flight attendant was stationed at the Departure
> gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
> her hand for the
> ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
> Without missing a
> beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
> your stub.'
>
> SMART A_S ANSWER #3 --
>
> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
> grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for
> her family. She
> asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any
> bigger?' The stock boy
> replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
>
> SMART A_S ANSWER #2 --
>
> The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
> stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've
> been waiting for you all
> day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I
> got here as fast as I
> could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent
> the kid on his way
> without a ticket.
>
> SMART A_S ANSWER #1 --
>
> A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
> sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.'
> Before he knows it, the
> bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the
> bridge. Cars are
> backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The
> cop gets out of
> his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on
> his hips and says,
> 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I
> was delivering this bridge
> and ran out of gas.'
>
> Two bonus extras:
>
> A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
> Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50
> Christmas stamps?'
> The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
> The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this?
> Give me 6 Catholic, 12
> Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
>
> A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She
> is not happy
> with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> horrible; I look old,
> fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
> compliment.' The husband
> replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth.
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ps3lvanub
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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15. December 2008 @ 07:04 |
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A 7 year old's mother was dying of cancer. On her deathbed, the mother said to the child, "When I die, you can have anything you want." 7 days later she dies. A week later, the 7 year old says to her father, whom she is living alone with, "Can I take a shower with you?" The father replies back, surprised, "No!" The little girl counters this by saying, "Mum said I can have anything I want when she dies." He gives in. In the shower, the little girl is staring at her father's penis, puzzled, and asks "Daddy, whats that?" He replies "Thats just my Barbie doll, dear, don't worry about that."
Later on they are watching T.V. together and the little girl asks, "Can I come in bed with you tonight, daddy?" "No!" he replies again. She once again explains that her mum said she can have anything she wants when she died and again he feels forced to give in. So they go to sleep together in her father's bed. Suddenly, Dad wakes with a shattering pain in his penis, and looks down to find that the helmet of his penis is gone, looks up at his daughter and screams, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!!???" Quite calmly she explains, "Well I was playing with your Barbie doll but then it was very rude and spat at me so I bit it's head off."
IMPORTANT: If you hate Sony for being so corrupt, copy this image into your signature too! This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 15. December 2008 @ 07:06
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AfterDawn Addict
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23. December 2008 @ 13:20 |
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> Subject: Welfare recipient
>
>
> A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched
> straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
> I'd really rather have a job."
>
>
> The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just
> got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
> bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his
> Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals
> will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas
> holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided
> a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
>
>
> The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
>
>
> The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it."
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AfterDawn Addict
1 product review
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24. January 2009 @ 13:35 |
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Blonde time:
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduce herself.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q: Why don?t blondes read Shakespeare?
A: They don?t know who wrote it.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The red head went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opened the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the brunette and the red head are talking about going home early again. They ask the blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught."
Piss me off, and I Will ignore You!
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Senior Member
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27. January 2009 @ 09:06 |
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Three mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home
when a Grandpa walked by.
And one of the Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.'
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can. Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they
couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of
times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old
gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess?'
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old
ladies happily yelled in unison - -
" We were at your birthday party yesterday " ...
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Icanbe
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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27. January 2009 @ 10:57 |
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Good News, Bad News (only in Canada)
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Canadian man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one Mountie. "Tell me! Did you find her?" the anguished husband sobbed.
The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, "Give me the bad news first."
The Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had twelve 25-pound snow crabs and six good-size lobsters clinging to her."
Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The Mountie said, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow!"
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth.
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Icanbe
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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27. January 2009 @ 11:00 |
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Park
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my golden retriever had fresh air.
She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay..... Do you hear me?... Stay!.. Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a blonde, gave me a strange look and said:
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
20 Years ago I saw you yesterday, Youre looking at the picture now.
We Are, What We Are - Sepultura
Say what you want, Time will always tell the truth.
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ps3lvanub
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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28. February 2009 @ 16:48 |
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A quickie before I forget:
Q-What did Jade Goody look like in her wedding dress?
A-A shuttle cock.
IMPORTANT: If you hate Sony for being so corrupt, copy this image into your signature too!
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crowy
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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4. March 2009 @ 18:18 |
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Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a
recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
If the facts dont fit the theory, change the facts." -- Albert Einstein |
AfterDawn Addict
7 product reviews
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22. March 2009 @ 16:14 |
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One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.
He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"
The hooker replied "100 Bucks"
The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of money"
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a head job?"
She said "200 dollars"
"200 dollars that's a lot of money"
She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs."
So he gives her the money, and got the best head job of his life
On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package."
"1000 dollars'
"1000 dollars that's a lot of money"
So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pu**y.(Female Genitalia)"
To delete, or not to delete. THAT is the question! This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 22. March 2009 @ 16:16
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crowy
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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22. April 2009 @ 07:25 |
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Donald Duck on a dirty weekend calls reception
and asks for condoms.Receptionist: "shall i put
them on your bill? ". Don,t be thucking thtupid i,d
thuffocate"
If the facts dont fit the theory, change the facts." -- Albert Einstein
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AfterDawn Addict
7 product reviews
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30. April 2009 @ 13:31 |
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To delete, or not to delete. THAT is the question! |
Senior Member
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30. April 2009 @ 21:05 |
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so,in sweden they conducted a study to determine the purpose of the knob on the end of a mans penis.they concluded after much study and 20k dollars that it was there to give the woman more pleasure.not to be outdone the americans also did a study.after much study and 40k dollars it was determined that it was to give the man more pleasure.well the newfies also did a study.after much study and 75 dollars in laundry bills the determined that the purpose of the knob on the end of a mans penis was to keep his hand from flyin' off and hitten him on ta head.
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AfterDawn Addict
7 product reviews
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5. June 2009 @ 05:13 |
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist asks her very delicately what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted.
To delete, or not to delete. THAT is the question! |
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AfterDawn Addict
7 product reviews
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5. June 2009 @ 05:19 |
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Redneck Hunters
Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
To delete, or not to delete. THAT is the question! |
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