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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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10. August 2005 @ 18:20 |
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andmerr how'd you like my little joke via the PM
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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10. August 2005 @ 18:52 |
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not bad but next time how about posting to the general forum for all to share
later wolf36
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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11. August 2005 @ 03:46 |
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wolf, would it be possible for you to shrink your siggy image a bit? it's a little large, vertically.
btw, that's an awesome sketch :D
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regor
Senior Member
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14. August 2005 @ 19:26 |
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Auslander, would it be possible for you to shrink your siggy image a bit? it's a little large, horizontally!
hahahahhaha
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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andmerr
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15. August 2005 @ 00:30 |
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your right that was an awesome image, have you got a link for us wolf36
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andmerr
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15. August 2005 @ 00:49 |
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Great Female Comebacks
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 15. August 2005 @ 00:49
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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17. August 2005 @ 02:16 |
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How to tell it isn't your day
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AfterDawn Addict
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17. August 2005 @ 15:05 |
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Today is the international day for the mentally
disabled. Please send
an encouraging message to a mentally retarded
friend--as I have just
done for you. Just thought I'd let your retarded ass
know I don't mind
being friends with you. I don't care if you lick
windows or even if
you wear a football helmet to work. It doesn't
bother me that you wear
your underwear on the outside of your pants. All I
ask is that when we go
to the club, you drive so we can park up front. You
hang on in there
because you are doing great! You are special, so
keep trying! Have a
great day!
Your friend Always,
geestar20
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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17. August 2005 @ 16:05 |
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you've definitely got to much time on your hands geestar, maybe you'd better give neph a hand with thiose long 11 hour days
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AfterDawn Addict
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17. August 2005 @ 16:13 |
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Im gonna ask him for a job soon...I got caught stealing boxes, on my day off.
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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17. August 2005 @ 16:34 |
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BOXES??? Some people have all the luck hey geestar!
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 17. August 2005 @ 16:36
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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17. August 2005 @ 19:21 |
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have you caught up with kivory666 recently.He got all your raven riley
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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17. August 2005 @ 19:50 |
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Bad escape plan
Not good
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 17. August 2005 @ 19:51
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AfterDawn Addict
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17. August 2005 @ 20:11 |
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Quote:
have you caught up with kivory666 recently.He got all your raven riley
nope, not yet, but he better not touch my woman.
I think a PM is in order here.
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AfterDawn Addict
6 product reviews
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18. August 2005 @ 14:11 |
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This little boy with a speach impairment goes trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.
He rings the doorbell at the first house. This woman answers the door. The little boy says "bick or beat". The woman replies "you must mean trick or treat". Little boy "yep". So she gives him some candy and he continues on to the next house.
He again rings the doorbell. This nice little ole lady comes to the door. The boy again replies "bick or beat" The woman replies "you must mean trick or treat". little boy "yep". Lady asks "what are you supposed to be?" Boy replies "a birate". Lady replies "you must mean a pirate". Boy "yep". Lady asks "so if you're a pirate where are your buccaneers?" Boy replies pointing at his ears "right here lady. Where's your buckin eyes?"
Rig #1 Asus Rampage Formula Mobo, Intel Core2Quad Q9450 CPU @ 3.55ghz, 2gb Corsair DDR2 1066 Dominator Ram @ 5-5-5-15, TR Ultra 120 Extreme w/ Scythe 9 blade 110 cfm 120mm Fan HSF, HIS Radeon 512mb HD3850 IceQ TurboX GPU, Corsair 620HX P/S, CM Stacker 830 Evo Case, Rig #2 Asus P5W DH Deluxe Mobo, Intel C2D E6600 CPU @ 3.6ghz, 2gb Corsair XMS2 DDR2 800 Ram @ 4-4-4-12-2t, Zalman CNPS9500LED HSF, Sapphire Radeon X850XT PE GPU, Corsair 620HX P/S, Cooler Master Mystique Case, Viewsonic 20.1" Widescreen Digital LCD Monitor, Klipsch Promedia Ultra 5.1 THX Desktop Speakers, http://valid.x86-secret.com/show_oc.php?id=348351 http://valid.x86-secret.com/show_oc.php?id=236435 |
Senior Member
2 product reviews
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18. August 2005 @ 15:21 |
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I found this while messing around on Google, its a variation of a chain-mail, its one of those "Get rich quick" scams. Its about getting money by placing your name in the email.
"Quickly take your two cents worth and send it to the top name on the list. Delete the top name and add your own to the bottom. Send the letter to as many US government sites as possible, including president@whitehouse.gov, dan.quayle@potatoe.gov and (of course) postmaster@usps.gov. By the miracle of government waste, in no time at all THOUSANDS of postal inspectors, FBI agents and bored meter maids will each be trying to offer you their two cents worth. They may not be polite, but remember that, as a criminal instead of a poor unemployed person, you now have RIGHTS. The results are simply amazing! I live in a Big House now. The government pays for all of my living expenses, which run into several TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars a year. EVERY YEAR! In fact, I'm so rich that I can afford to have a bunch of folks guarding the place around the clock. If I want a slice of bread or a cup of water, they bring it to me without my even having to lift a finger. And the nightlife here is incredible! Bars everywhere! I don't even have to pay a cent for any of it. Many would kill to live like I do now. Many *do* kill to live in a Big House like mine..."
Sorry, I know it was a bit long.
"The only people who should buy Monster cable are people who light cigars with Benjamins." - Gizmodo
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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18. August 2005 @ 15:40 |
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LOL Nice way to end up in jail!
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 19:51 |
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 19:57 |
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A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
cruiser pulled her over.
The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde.
She asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 20:16 |
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A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 20:31 |
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An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!"
So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!"
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 20:44 |
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A COLLEGE professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation....powerful tool.
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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20. August 2005 @ 20:45 |
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They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time, still deep in conversation.
But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed.
"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark.
"Wasn't always that way," replied Chas, "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley Street, England, cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent."
Fred was very envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to the Old Dart first thing.
It was a good six months later before he ran into his old cobber once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.
"But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You were diddled, I got mine for $500, not a thousand."
Chas could hardly believe it. Same address on Harley Street, same doctor. Complaining that he had been ripped off, he asked Fred if he could take a look.
Once more they lined up at the porcelain, when Chas took a peek over the partition, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared. "No wonder," he laughed. "That's my old one!"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
Member
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23. August 2005 @ 12:07 |
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Heres a name that was in my phonebook, it is REAL, I just blurred out the address and numbers. If you have any funny names in your phonebook, please post them :)
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 23. August 2005 @ 12:08
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AfterDawn Addict
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23. August 2005 @ 12:12 |
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... One of my favorite funny names is Dick Trickle - he's a racecar driver ...
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