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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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Moderator
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6. December 2005 @ 08:26 |
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Quote:
definitely think he was talking to you...........sweetie!!!
AAhhh! I think I might wet the bed having nightmares.... :S
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 6. December 2005 @ 08:27
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andmerr
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6. December 2005 @ 08:30 |
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lol
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Member
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6. December 2005 @ 09:06 |
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@ Andmerr: I guess I should say I'm flattered that I'm too good looking to be a lesbian, but for the record, I'm not. I like men too much.
Could the last name be Merrick?
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 6. December 2005 @ 09:06
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Moderator
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6. December 2005 @ 09:23 |
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Quote:
I like men too much.
Don't be too quick to quote Aus as a man! ;)
J/k - after all, you would know :)
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AfterDawn Addict
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6. December 2005 @ 10:49 |
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LOL, merrick. Could be.
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Moderator
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6. December 2005 @ 13:12 |
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i'm back, but only to say goodnight as i've gone to bed. but......
to quote a hero i'll be back
Main PC ~ Intel C2Q Q6600 (G0 Stepping)/Gigabyte GA-EP45-DS3/2GB Crucial Ballistix PC2-8500/Zalman CNPS9700/Antec 900/Corsair HX 620W
Network ~ DD-WRT ~ 2node WDS-WPA2/AES ~ Buffalo WHR-G54S. 3node WPA2/AES ~ WRT54GS v6 (inc. WEP BSSID), WRT54G v2, WRT54G2 v1. *** Forum Rules *** |
Member
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6. December 2005 @ 14:08 |
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AfterDawn Addict
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6. December 2005 @ 14:19 |
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What an arse
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Member
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6. December 2005 @ 14:23 |
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Thats what we call, a severe case of stupidity !!!
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regor
Senior Member
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8. December 2005 @ 18:06 |
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then what happened?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
AfterDawn Addict
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8. December 2005 @ 22:44 |
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drew, you have to do an extra special friday funnies today seeing as it was your birthday yesterday. whad'ya say?
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andmerr
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8. December 2005 @ 23:46 |
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no my birthdays the 9th, remember i'll ahead in time from the rest of you guys
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andmerr
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8. December 2005 @ 23:49 |
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"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
- Steven Wright
"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that I needed an upgrade."
- Unknown
"What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays."
- Kid's Joke
"Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake."
- Unknown
"There is still no cure for the common birthday.""
- John Glenn
"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."
- Unknown
"A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age."
- Unknown
"Yesterday, it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm Having A Good Time..."
- Paul Simon, "Have A Good Time"
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AfterDawn Addict
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9. December 2005 @ 00:53 |
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This weeks theme = birthdays
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regor
Senior Member
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9. December 2005 @ 18:43 |
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ok, well, then, Happy birthday today instead of yesterday, (andmerr not drew cause andmerr is a better handle ;) you can cry if you want to, Andmerr, you can cry if you want to, you can cry if you want to... but still... happy happy brithday today not yesterday, happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuu.......!!!
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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andmerr
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14. December 2005 @ 23:39 |
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How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: how many men does it take to open a can of beer?
A: none it should already be open by the time she brings it to you
3 Advantages
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3 advantages of getting a £50 note tatooed on your penis:
1. You can play with your money.
2. You can see your money grow.
3. Your woman can blow as much money as she wants.
The Faker
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Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think we care.
Penis Names
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Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: They don't want a stranger making 90% of their decisions for them.
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AfterDawn Addict
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15. December 2005 @ 05:13 |
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hilarious as always andy
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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15. December 2005 @ 08:40 |
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hehehe...that's great, andy :D
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AfterDawn Addict
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15. December 2005 @ 13:31 |
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Very very very funny, Andy!!! But, sometimes, when you get to be a bit older, instead of watching your money grow, you can double your money, by folding it in two. :(
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 15. December 2005 @ 13:33
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andmerr
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15. December 2005 @ 20:51 |
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i just knew bruce that you were going to say something like that......
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AfterDawn Addict
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16. December 2005 @ 04:48 |
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@ andmerr
You should put Official AfterDawn comedian in your sig. Any more funnies by the way.
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AfterDawn Addict
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16. December 2005 @ 13:27 |
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LOL, Andy. Someone had to say it. :)
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
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AfterDawn Addict
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20. December 2005 @ 13:00 |
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AN ANALYSIS OF SANTA?S BIG NIGHT
To all people of the world:
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa?s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can?t be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance?this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth?s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g?s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he?s dead now.
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
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ddp
Moderator
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20. December 2005 @ 14:36 |
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you killed santa!!!
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Junior Member
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20. December 2005 @ 16:12 |
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OMG thats the funniest thing ive ever heard!!!!!
though u did for get the fact that santa is magic and his reindeer fly completely reduceing the ground friction, wich in ur calculation would have ignited and incinerated every thing before or during the time that santa is being crushed and the reindeer are being vaporised
just leting u no ^_^
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