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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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andmerr
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4. May 2006 @ 17:21 |
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Triplets
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was taking pee and this bullet came out." replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out."
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
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Junior Member
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4. May 2006 @ 17:28 |
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roflmao, just as funny as always andmerr
sig made by me, i think. |
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andmerr
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4. May 2006 @ 17:52 |
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i try
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regor
Senior Member
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4. May 2006 @ 19:03 |
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then what happened?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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andmerr
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5. May 2006 @ 00:26 |
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you told a joke and we all congratulated you on how funny it was
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regor
Senior Member
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5. May 2006 @ 08:37 |
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The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem . See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one ..
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can
to give them a bigger laugh
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
Junior Member
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5. May 2006 @ 09:33 |
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nice one regor, and so true too.
sig made by me, i think.
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AfterDawn Addict
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5. May 2006 @ 11:54 |
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A blonde went into a casino and went to a soda machine. She put in a dollar and got a coke and 30 change. She thought this was fantastic, so she went to the service desk and got fifty $1 bills for a $50 bill.
Then she went back to the soda machine and kept putting in her $1 bills until she had sodas all over the floor and a pocket full of change.
Soon the manager came over and asked, "If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing, miss?"
"Winning," the blonde replied.
A drunk staggered out of a bar and began wandering around the parking lot, bumping into every car and rubbing the roof of each one. The manager came out of the bar and stopped the drunk.
"What the heck are you doing?" the manager asked.
"I'm looking for my car and I can't find it!" the drunk complained.
"So, how does feeling the roof of the car help?"
"My car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!"
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 5. May 2006 @ 17:09
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AfterDawn Addict
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5. May 2006 @ 14:44 |
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Ireland, what is 30 square? (Not squared, which is 900)
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 5. May 2006 @ 14:44
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andmerr
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5. May 2006 @ 22:35 |
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@ regor: congratulations
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andmerr
Suspended permanently
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6. May 2006 @ 16:29 |
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hers my last joke guys, i have resigned from AD as of now.
so heres my last joke
anybody guess who this is
imagine a
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 6. May 2006 @ 16:36
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AfterDawn Addict
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6. May 2006 @ 19:12 |
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Resigned? Why?
Life is good!
GrandpaBruce - Vietnam Vet - 1970 - 1971
Computer: Intel Core i7-920 Nehalim;Asus P6T Deluxe V2
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Moderator
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7. May 2006 @ 05:00 |
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Hehe, bye my Aussie friend.. catch you on Skype / msn..
Bizzle!
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97bullock
Member
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7. May 2006 @ 14:20 |
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LOL LastMastr.i love Chuck Norris jokes.heres some more
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse...Horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Why does Chuck Norris sleep with the lights on.... Not because he is afraid of the dark... the dark is afraid of him.
What does the boogey man do before he goes to bed.... Checks his closet for Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad
One the first day God Created Mania
On the second day he created Chuck Norris
On the Third day, Chuck Norris Mania ran wild on God
If u spell "Chuck Norris" in Scrabble you will win...forever
Chuck Norris CAN touch McHammer
Jesus walks over water, Chuck Norris walks over Jesus
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
When Chuck Norris fires a gun, he doesn't pull the trigger, he tells the bullet to beat it
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer.too bad he never cries
wow.lots more.
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regor
Senior Member
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7. May 2006 @ 19:46 |
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@ andmerr
thanks. at last I get congratulated. tiz a mystery what will then happen :D
as for the who...
Quote:
anybody guess who this is
two guys celebrating victory, obviously.
...then what happened?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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brobear
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7. May 2006 @ 20:18 |
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regor
It was either a joke or he resigned a couple of days ago. Since it doesn't read inactive under his name, it doesn't look as though the resignation took effect. ;)
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AfterDawn Addict
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7. May 2006 @ 23:08 |
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He has left AD, sadly...another excellent member lost.
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regor
Senior Member
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8. May 2006 @ 18:44 |
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well for what it's worth... andmerr is one of my favs. I hope it was jest, that he resigned, but if he did I hope the reason was unmistakably and undeniably the best action and that all those party to the decision are in full agreement. if ad politics were involved, tis a shame.
my .02
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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brobear
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8. May 2006 @ 20:22 |
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Well instead of his account reading inactive as it would if the staff had acted on his leaving, it still reads Addict. Which means his acct is still active. It's his decision to post or not to. He's no farther away than his keyboard and he's still receiving the posts from AD unless he unsubscribed from the threads. I'm sure he appreciates the kind thoughts and your saying what a swell guy he is. As for political games on the forums, we should all take a lesson and not get involved, it usually leads to trouble. Dela recently made a post to address just that issue. http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/332571 It's a sticky here in the Safety Valve section.
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 8. May 2006 @ 20:33
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brobear
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8. May 2006 @ 20:37 |
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This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 8. May 2006 @ 20:39
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brobear
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8. May 2006 @ 20:46 |
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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9. May 2006 @ 00:57 |
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i wonder who pissed him off, i chat to him now and again on yahoo but he hasnt said a word.I assume he he aint coming back after i read his shoutbox.
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Moderator
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9. May 2006 @ 01:17 |
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for those who feel the need to know, the reason andmerr's account still says active is because none of the mods will deactivate it, we are still trying to talk him out of it, but i'm afraid our efforts are futile. like many others before him, he's simply tired of seeing this place go to hell whilst some people get banned for the slightest thing, and others are allowed to pretty much do and say anything they want and no one does a thing about it. some people tend to think they are above everyone else and take every chance to correct them publicly in a negative way, i for one am very sick of seeing it myself. i also have not been around lately due to that reason and that reason alone. i find it completely retarded that some people can do or say whatever they want and nothing is done by the admins. some things are simply above the power of mods, so we are helpless in these situations. but rest assured the problem has not died down, it's only sitting on the stove waiting to boil over.
http://www.Lonero.net - friend of the forums, great guitar player
#afterdawn (well i have no idea where it is anymore) |
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9. May 2006 @ 01:44 |
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@brobear,
The link to your first joke is dead..
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 9. May 2006 @ 01:44
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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9. May 2006 @ 01:54 |
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thats probably the joke.You got fooled when you clicked it
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