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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies
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AfterDawn Addict
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10. June 2006 @ 16:31 |
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Colon Comments
Comments from patients made while undergoing colonoscopies...
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
This message has been edited since posting. Last time this message was edited on 10. June 2006 @ 16:46
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regor
Senior Member
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10. June 2006 @ 22:40 |
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yea, crazy guy... out of the clear blue he'd plop out a simple anecdote "then what happened?"
and get everybody all riled up.
oh that Andmerr.
wildwood weed that's what it was, we never knew what it was called.
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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guyrus
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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11. June 2006 @ 00:43 |
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and then what happened my friend or are you still off with the cows
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ddp
Moderator
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11. June 2006 @ 07:44 |
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mooooo!!!!!!!!
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regor
Senior Member
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11. June 2006 @ 20:49 |
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ok it's true then... you can fool some people all of the time but you can't fool MOTHER NATURE... or something like that, I'm almost certain :)
hehe
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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15. June 2006 @ 20:03 |
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Ten Reasons Golf is Better Than Sex...
#10 A below par performance is considered darn good.
#9 You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8 It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7 Foursomes are encouraged.
#6 You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5 Three times a day is possible.
#4 Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
#3 If you live in Florida you can do it almost every day.
#2 You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the #1 reason why Golf is better than sex...
"If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it."
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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16. June 2006 @ 20:15 |
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Quote:
and then what happened my friend or are you still off with the cows
oh the tomfoolery even :) :) :)
moooooooooooi
<- catch the i ?
cdedbdi's ?? did ya?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
AfterDawn Addict
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16. June 2006 @ 20:26 |
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DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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AfterDawn Addict
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16. June 2006 @ 20:27 |
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Mooooooo to ye toooooooooo,Moooooooo's give milk...
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AfterDawn Addict
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16. June 2006 @ 20:33 |
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Holy crapola, ireland . . . I don't like anything that fat except wallets and purses
Some peeps claim that the bigger the cushion . . well, you know the rest of that one
I'm a believer that the closer to the bone, the sweeter the meat
DISCLAIMER: If you find a posting or message from me
offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it.
If you dont know how to ignore a posting, complain to
me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate . . .
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guyrus
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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16. June 2006 @ 20:47 |
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Quote:
well, you know the rest of that one
no i dont, i know the one that says anything larger than this----------------big and your liable to sprain your wrist
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regor
Senior Member
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16. June 2006 @ 20:56 |
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it doesn't matter.... she smokes cigarettes.
if she stopped smoking she'd blow up like a big_breasted_blimp...
if she stopped smoking she'd look like a big_butted_zepelin...
if she stopped smoking she'd look like my next door neighbor, did.
sssshhhhhhmokin' :)
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
AfterDawn Addict
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16. June 2006 @ 21:00 |
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smile,she wants to take ye picture,
good night all............
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regor
Senior Member
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16. June 2006 @ 21:02 |
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sssshhhhmokin'
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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16. June 2006 @ 21:04 |
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and I want you to know catfreak that none of these posts will count toward your addiction.
none of them will.
none.
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
Senior Member
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26. June 2006 @ 16:04 |
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Thought this was funny...
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the guv' . . . ".
But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.
"Fish?", queries Noah
"Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"
"Yup".
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".
"Yup".
"And you want it full of Carp?".
"Yup".
"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether..........................
"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
Messer
Schmidt's Law; 'If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break'
 gif by ireland
we cant help if you wont help yourself |
AfterDawn Addict
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27. June 2006 @ 01:46 |
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HA HA, nice one gurnard, that put a smile on my face!
LOL!!!
Gif by Phantom69
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Senior Member
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4. July 2006 @ 09:54 |
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time for another me thinks :)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
gif by ireland
we cant help if you wont help yourself |
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Wolf36
Junior Member
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27. July 2006 @ 00:35 |
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'and then what happened'
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regor
Senior Member
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27. July 2006 @ 20:18 |
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A ten year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried
everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail.
Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to
enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he
walked in after school with a stern, focused and very
determined expression on his face. He went straight past them,
right to his room and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books
strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged
long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went
straight back to his room, closed the door and worked
feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the
first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it
unopened, laid it on the dinner table, and went straight to his
room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement,
she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math. Overjoyed,
she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at
his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked. The boy shook
his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?" "No", said the
son.
"On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw
that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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regor
Senior Member
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28. July 2006 @ 14:12 |
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The Bathtub Test
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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crowy
Suspended due to non-functional email address
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9. September 2006 @ 22:56 |
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Subject: MAN OF THE HOUSE
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
"You Can Be THE Man Of Your House."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now
on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is
Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm
finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will
have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You
will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you
will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."
If the facts dont fit the theory, change the facts." -- Albert Einstein |
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Auslander
AfterDawn Addict
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10. September 2006 @ 08:07 |
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LOL! that's great. my roomie is going to get a good laugh from that one.
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Senior Member
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10. September 2006 @ 14:09 |
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lol theres quite a few funny ones in hear :p
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regor
Senior Member
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10. September 2006 @ 18:57 |
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then what happened?
regor
Yuk Yuk... If only I was half cow... |
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